The Nonlinearity Of Asexuality
Lately I have been giving a lot of consideration to the idea of asexuality as a nonlinear, to be determined, label that continues to change over time. My own sexuality has been ever evolving over the years. At one point, briefly, like a lot of asexuals it seems, I thought I might be gay. I quickly realized I dug the parts, but not the persons attached to them. At one point I could sleep with women and at least vaguely perform hetronormatively. Sort of.
While considering all of this, I was reminded of the article about asexuality which ran in The Guardian last year. Near the end of it, Paul Cox writes about the relationship he and his wife have in regards to sex:
People always ask how our marriage is different from just being friends, but I think a lot of relationships are about that – being friends. We have built on our friendship, rather than scrapping it and moving on somewhere else. The obvious way we differ is that we don’t have sex, though we do kiss and cuddle. We like to joke that the longer we’re married the less unusual this is. By the time we’ve been married five years we’ll be just like everyone else.
Do I feel as if I’m missing out on something? Not really. We’ve decided that if either of us wants to try sex out in the future then we will see what we can do. We would both be willing to compromise because we’re in a relationship and that’s what you do.
Asexuality should always be something that is not written in stone. That was the primary factor which drove me away from the Straight Edge movement. Straight Edge was an end for most people, not just a means to move onto other higher ideals (animal rights, women’s rights, etc). All of this led me to asexuality. Who knows what is next for me; I have no idea how I will evolve and change next. Everything is to be determined.
